a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
