I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
