i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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