hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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