1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
