Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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