You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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