Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
