Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
