just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
