let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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