i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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