he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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