Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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