Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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