I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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