...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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