Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
