I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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