Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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