I CAN MOONWALK!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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