oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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