Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
