He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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