he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think people are normalizing furries
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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