you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
