Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
