Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize