I puked a lego.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize