Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
