I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
