Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
porn star boner night. come get it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize