this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
