can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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