We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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