It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
