also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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