Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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