How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
