You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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