I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
