So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
