I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
