Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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