if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Floor bacon is actually really good
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
