One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize