If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
