Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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