I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
