The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
