new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
