You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
