dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm really busy with my period
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