I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
