pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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