Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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