can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
