I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
