I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
