My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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