my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize