He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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