I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize