Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
