Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
