really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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