I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
