I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am available for nakedness
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
