its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
