I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
