Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize