Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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