is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You've changed since you got that strap on
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