worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
