it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
