What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
