we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize