Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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