I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize