I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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