Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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