The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize