Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
