either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
