How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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