Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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