just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
