people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
