I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
