oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
