Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
