So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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