my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
