I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
