dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
