I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
