Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
