I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
